I saw the hand surgeon today.  He spent a good, long time with me, answering questions and manipulating my wrists in different ways.  He did say my left wrist felt different than my right, and noted my puffiness in the joint.  However, he’s not convinced I have a TFCC tear.

I was right when I said I think I have a negative ulnar variance, however, he says he believes it happened when I broke my wrist as a child and the bone didn’t grow correctly.  Because the ulna is shorter, it’s less likely the TFCC will tear, as a positive variance, when the ulna is longer than the radius, can poke through the thin membrane of the ligament.  However, he didn’t rule it out completely, because it’s altogether possible I tore my TFCC YEARS ago, and it has since degenerated, or has torn again due to my mysterious trauma in December of pushing myself up off the couch.

He wasn’t convinced any of my other ligaments holding the wrist bones together were torn either, as I didn’t yell and scream in pain while he was manipulating the joint.  It was uncomfortable, and I told him there was a dull ache, but nothing sharp and breath-taking.

He still wants the MRI, though, as that will definitively prove or rule out any ligament tears.  They will shoot my wrist up with contrast dye in a few key compartments and if the dye leaks out of these compartments, then a tear is present.  Of course, as with all health care red tape, I need to have the MRI approved by my insurance before I can get it done.

In the meantime, because my mother has Rheumatoid Arthritis, he ordered a blood test to rule that out as well.  Normally, RA manifests over time, but there are cases where a sudden onset of symptoms can flare up with no warning.  And due to the fact my wrist is a bit swollen with fluid, he wants to rule that out as well.  I was able to get my blood drawn before I left the hospital, so that was good.  Still won’t have the results for that for a few days.

Hopefully my insurance won’t deny my MRI.  How much would that suck?!

But even the ladies in the lab drawing my blood were singing my doctor’s praises, along with my physical therapist.  The guy was very nice, he listened to my questions and wasn’t in a rush.  I really like him.  And he’s moving his office closer to Hillsboro; bonus! 

At this point, though, I’m rooting for a ligament tear over the arthritis.  If it’s something that can be fixed with a suture as opposed to, “Sorry lady, you’re f**ked.”, then I’m all for it!

In the meantime, I’ve gotta hurry up and wait.  Again.

Wrist Saga, Chapter Eleventy.

~~Becka

In going online, I’ve noticed there really aren’t any external pictures of wrists with a TFCC tear.  So, since mine is visibly different from my healthy wrist, I thought I would post pictures of them here for a comparison.  First, here is a pic of my healthy right wrist with my hand flexed back.

Everyone has that “fat pad” on the underside of their arm that runs in the middle of the wrist.  You can see it in the picture as the bump under my veins.

Now, take a look at my ouchy left wrist:

Same hand flexion, about as 90 degrees as I can get it.  You’ll notice my “fat pad” in the middle of my wrist is bumpy.  Also, the dark spot next to it is a depression that shouldn’t be there.  Eww, I know.  But if I’m going to document this saga, gotta take pics of the nasty, right?

Also, the interesting part is, I’m now showing classic signs of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  I’ve NEVER had this before and do not have it in the other hand.  Tapping on the middle of my wrist shoots pins and needles into my fingers, as well as tapping on the radial side of my wrist shoots pins/needles into my thumb.  My physical therapist said it’s likely the inflammation is putting compression on my nerves.  Interesting, since my nerve test in January was normal.  Getting worse before it gets better?  Hmm…

Anyone else with a TFCC tear see a visible difference in their wrists?  Before you had surgery?

~~Becka

So, I read through RIDE THE LIGHTNING and fixed the ending (didn’t like the climax, so I changed it) and sent it back out for submission at Cobblestone Press.

Here’s hoping they like it!  Bonus if they buy it – I know it’ll have a kick-ass cover.    Third time’s a charm?  We shall see.

~~Becka

RIDE THE LIGHTNING has been rejected at Samhain Publishing.  Currently, it’s 0-2.  Kind of a bummer, I thought the premise was very intriguing. This one is my time-travel ghost cowboy.  I’m going to do a read through to see what it’s lacking.  Going to need a Plan C.  Thinking I might send this one to Cobblestone next.

Hmm.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

BUT I’M NOT GIVING UP!

~~Becka

In the writing world, I decided to send my full western novel, RENEGADE, to Carina Press.  What can I say, they called for historical manuscripts on their blog, and one of their editors wanted to find that one author who could “single-handedly bring back the western”.  Naturally, I had to submit. 

Since I’m obsessed with reading and writing westerns these days, I figured it would be stupid of me to ignore that call.  Being one of the premier western authors for Carina would kick ass.  Of course, if they don’t like the book, I’ll send it to Samhain.  I’m thinking even if they reject it, Samhain is an excellent publisher I would be proud to publish this book.

I still haven’t heard back on either of my submissions.  I’m still waiting for word on THE FALL OF JERICHO from Carina and RIDE THE LIGHTNING from Samhain.

On a personal note, I’m feeling a bit down in the tooth lately.  My wrist problems are really worrying me, mostly because this stupid injury keeps getting worse it seems.  I feel like I can’t see that darned hand surgeon soon enough.  What really pisses me off is the fact I didn’t do anything to facilitate it.  I didn’t fall, wasn’t playing sports, didn’t torque anything heavy.  I’m beginning to think I actually tore my TFCC 22 years ago when I broke my wrist as a kid, and all these years later, some random “straw” broke the camel’s proverbial “back”.  For the life of me, I can’t remember my pain levels in the days after I got my cast off as a kid.  I DO remember the hellish pain of tweaking my wrist so they could take the necessary x-rays.  I remember the pain of having to stretch my thumb so it sat a special way in the cast.  I remember the bastard doctor forcing my wrist to bend 90 degrees up and down mere minutes after my cast came off.

I’m freaking out a bit, because I know I’ll need some kind of surgery to solve this problem.  Regardless if I need something minor or major, the fact remains something needs to be done.  I can’t just live like this.  Not with the evolving pain.

Good news is, my elbow is much better, and just feels like a pulled muscle in my upper and lower arm now.  I can fully extend it without a problem.  Wrist though, is still stiff and sore.  Probably because I’m still mostly wearing the brace.  I take it off many times a day to flex a bit, just to get my range of motion back somewhat, but I can’t be without it for long.

What does this mean for my writing?

Good question.  Well, I obviously cannot write for long stretches like I used to.  I can write in short bursts.  Maybe I’ll concentrate on some short stories.  Or perhaps I’ll just take a tad longer to write a full one.  I do know I can edit, add, delete stuff to existing stories without a problem.

Maybe Someone Upstairs knew this injury was coming and that’s why I was inspired to write eight stories last year.

This sucks.  If I can get well within a few months, I’ve still got the rest of the year, right?  RIGHT?!?

SIGH.

~~Becka

I recently guest blogged over at my friend Selena Blake’s blog, and she’s returned the favor.  We’re both yakking about some of our favorite heroes – COWBOYS!  Now, here’s Selena’s guest blog on my site.  Giddyup! 

~*~*~

Recently Becka stopped by my blog for a visit and she brought up one of my all time favorite subjects. Cowboys.

It’s no wonder I have a series in the works about…what else? Cowboys. I’ve been having so much fun meeting the five sinfully gorgeous brothers, asking them questions, learning what drives them.

There’s just something about those handsome men on horseback that makes a girl go…well, to tell the truth, a little wild. For someone who loves all her conveniences, and yes, hot water and high heels are a must, I have to admire someone who’s rugged and rough as the land. Perhaps it’s just my idea of what a cowboy should be, rather than what they are or who they were.

Nah.

I think for a man to ride the land, he must be in touch with the land. He must respect both the land and the animals that provide his lively hood. They ride beasts and stare down danger, brave the elements. Tell me you haven’t thought of taming one, at least once.

And seriously, what woman doesn’t love a man who knows his way around leather? Chaps? Yes, please!

Or how about the ropes? This guy could hog tie me any old time.

So here’s to all the cowboys out there. The ones in real life and the heroes in our stories. Do you have a favorite fictional cowboy? I want to hear all about him.

~Selena
http://www.selena-blake.com

As you may or may not know, I’ve decided to get a second opinion from a well-known hand surgeon who works out of St. Vincent’s here in Portland.  I had to borrow my x-rays from Doc #1 so I can bring them to the appt. with Doc #2.  My appointment is two weeks from today, Feb. 25th, unless someone cancels (then I can get in early).  Needless to say, I’ve been poring over my x-rays, trying to self-diagnose.  LOL  I don’t know what it is, but looking at these x-rays is fascinating to me.

LOL at my wedding ring – the kids found that highly amusing.    Please forgive the poor quality of this pic, I had to hold up the x-ray to the light while holding my iPhone and trying to get a pic that wasn’t blurry as heck.

Anyhow, if you look, you’ll see all the little wrist bones (seem to be) fine.  The large bone in the arm is the radius, and the smaller one is the ulna.  My ulna appears to be somewhat lower than it should be.  If you look at normal x-rays, the ulna bone lines up with the radius.

After doing some research on other x-rays and people with the same kind of malady, it would seem instability in the TFCC can lead to subluxation of the ulnar head (or partial dislocation).  Let me tell you, this feels so unimaginably WEIRD.

I’m typing with two hands right now, but my left hand doesn’t always do what I want it to.  My wrist feels like a limp noodle when it’s not in the splint.  It’s still tender from getting out of the cast a few days ago, but that doesn’t have anything to do with my instability.  The immobilization of the cast just makes for a stiff, sore joint, not an unstable one.

Hence the second opinion I’m getting.

And my pain is evolving.  I’ve always said it’s been evolving, but it’s just odd.  I’m wondering if it’s possible for a TFCC tear to get worse once it’s torn?  At the beginning of December, when this saga began, I had soreness, like a sprain.  It wasn’t in any one place, it just hurt.  Then, I began getting specific pain on the ulnar side of my wrist, that would hurt whenever I would twist my wrist or hold something heavy.  When it was getting worse and wasn’t going away, that’s when I went to Doc #1, and the clicking began.

I felt unstable in January when I got my cast on.  While in the cast, my wrist felt swollen, and still feels full, not of blood, but it’s a little puffy.  Now, I have a sometimes sharp pain in the center of my wrist, on the bottom, like beneath the carpal tunnel.  And sometimes this ache spreads to the bottom half of my palm.

The only time my wrist feels “normal” is when I’m in the splint.

It’s just been so odd to have this malady get worse.  Could it be the TFCC tear caused the ulna to deviate, which is stretching the ligaments even more to tear further?  Or perhaps in a new place?  I don’t know.  Obviously, I’m not a doctor.  But this not knowing is killing my inner child!

Let’s hope Doc #2’s office calls me to offer me an appointment sooner than two weeks.  In the grand scheme of things, two weeks is not a long time.  But when it’s tacked on to an already long 3 months of WTFery (I’m counting December as the first month), it’s just that much longer I gotta wait.  Because if I do need a procedure, I’ll probably need to be scheduled a few weeks from Doc #2’s appt.–even more waiting.  I’d like to speed the process up a bit.  Heh.  Is that even possible?

~~Becka

Yay, here I am for the first time in a long time, typing two-handed.  Got my cast off today, and was fortunate enough to have my first physical therapy today as well.  After taking a history from me, the therapist decided on a mild therapy, putting my arm in a machine with some sand blowing around in a dry heat, which felt omg SO GOOD!!!  After a few minutes, I could move my wrist a bit more, even though it’s still very stiff and sore.

And my elbow.  Wow.  It’s so happy to be un-bent, however, the pain is intense.  Not so much in the elbow itself, but in the muscles that pull taut when straightening things out.

Anyway, after the sand/heat machine, the therapist put this bandage on me that has a battery that time-releases a short bit of medicine into the skin for about two hours.  It’s like a mild shot of cortizone.  So I’ve got to do this therapy twice a week for four weeks.

The doc said, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better” due to moving the wrist after weeks of immobilization.  He said even if it hurts, he doesn’t want to see me again until the four weeks of therapy are up.  If this hasn’t worked, (ie., my pain hasn’t lessened) then he will send me to the guy who mentored him a few years ago, who practices at OHSU.

He also prescribed for me prescription strength Naproxen (sp?) to be taken twice a day.

However, I heard news of another hand surgeon who works out of St. Vincent’s, an apparently “brilliant” man and a nice guy to boot.  He’s got so many patients that he’s taking appointments six weeks (or more) into the future, but the good news is, I will be done with my physical therapy by then and I can be able to get a second opinion.  Even the therapist was a little shocked that I hadn’t gotten an MRI to see how big/where the tear was.

I wasn’t able to call the hand surgeon today as it was too late in the day when I got back from the therapist, but I will call him tomorrow to make an appointment.  If anything, he’s closer to me than OHSU.

So the doc did give me a brace to wear, which feels pretty good.  Still owwy, but that’s to be expected.  At this point, they want to see if my ouchy-ness is still due to my TFCC tear or due to the fact I’ve been immobile for 4 weeks.  Probably a mixture of both, I’m thinking.  If the therapy works for me, then I’ll just cancel the appointment with this other doctor.  At the moment, everything is still up in the air.

But the most amazing news ever is the fact I’m no longer in the cast, I no longer have to take trash bag showers, and my elbow is no longer bent.  Even so, I still hold it at an angle because it hurts to fully extend it. 

So, it appears to be another waiting game.  But the fact the therapy feels so good coupled with the doctor I can get a second opinion with and the fact I’m no longer wearing my cast, today has been a good day.  And DH took the day off (or rather worked from home) so I didn’t have to tote around my legion of kidlets.  He loves me.  <3

~~Becka

Trying so hard not to whine about this dang cast.  For the most part, I’ve achieved that goal, letting the occasional whine out on Twitter or Facebook.  (My website is where I “update” you about my condition, not whine.  Never whine. LOL)

But let’s face it, folks.  I’m so done with this damn thing.  Sleeping has become a chore; I’m not sure if it’s due to being uncomfortable, or being irritated that only a few positions are “comfortable”, although “comfort” and “cast” are oxymorons.  I have “good” days and “bad” days (and days I “overuse” the “quotes”), but mostly bad days.  I’ve had to up my pills (Ibuprofen and Tylenol), and I take them more often these days.

I can feel a tightness in my wrist when I flex my fingers.  Almost like things are swollen.  Feels like there’s something IN there.  Sometimes, I can still feel the instability when just pressing my fingers together, like when you snap or do the okay sign.  Things aren’t right in there.  But this stupid treatment must finish before we can move on, and therefore I have five more days in this prison sentence.  That’s what it feels like to me at times.  (Okay, so I do whine on my website.)

But you see, this conservative treatment “needs” to be done first.  Even though every other story I read online is about the surgery.  Why aren’t there any other stories of casting before surgery out there if this is the normal treatment?  I don’t know.  I’m getting jaded.  I’m getting pissy.

Makes me wonder, though, if there’s more red tape after I get my cast off?  Do I have to go through X amount of physical therapy before they’ll decide something more needs to be done?  Depending on what my doc says on the 9th, I might look for a dang hand surgeon myself and get a second opinion.

Things.  Aren’t.  Right.  It’s not getting better.  And I’m pissed because this is wasting time!  But if I call my doc, they’ll just tell me to come in on Tuesday.  At this point, I might as well go the distance.  I’m a wuss when it comes to confrontation, but if my doc tells me X amount of weeks need to pass with PT before anything more can be done, I’ll ask him about that hand surgeon he knows.

Not that I’m against PT, or that I’m jonesin’ for the surgery, but lets be honest and call a spade a spade.  I know when my body’s got issues.  And right about now, I’m hoping my wrist IS swollen when they take off this cast if only to prove I’m not a whiny little bitch.  Doc.

LOL

Okay, so maybe I am, but I got REASONS!!

~~Becka