As you may or may not know, I’ve decided to get a second opinion from a well-known hand surgeon who works out of St. Vincent’s here in Portland.  I had to borrow my x-rays from Doc #1 so I can bring them to the appt. with Doc #2.  My appointment is two weeks from today, Feb. 25th, unless someone cancels (then I can get in early).  Needless to say, I’ve been poring over my x-rays, trying to self-diagnose.  LOL  I don’t know what it is, but looking at these x-rays is fascinating to me.

LOL at my wedding ring – the kids found that highly amusing.    Please forgive the poor quality of this pic, I had to hold up the x-ray to the light while holding my iPhone and trying to get a pic that wasn’t blurry as heck.

Anyhow, if you look, you’ll see all the little wrist bones (seem to be) fine.  The large bone in the arm is the radius, and the smaller one is the ulna.  My ulna appears to be somewhat lower than it should be.  If you look at normal x-rays, the ulna bone lines up with the radius.

After doing some research on other x-rays and people with the same kind of malady, it would seem instability in the TFCC can lead to subluxation of the ulnar head (or partial dislocation).  Let me tell you, this feels so unimaginably WEIRD.

I’m typing with two hands right now, but my left hand doesn’t always do what I want it to.  My wrist feels like a limp noodle when it’s not in the splint.  It’s still tender from getting out of the cast a few days ago, but that doesn’t have anything to do with my instability.  The immobilization of the cast just makes for a stiff, sore joint, not an unstable one.

Hence the second opinion I’m getting.

And my pain is evolving.  I’ve always said it’s been evolving, but it’s just odd.  I’m wondering if it’s possible for a TFCC tear to get worse once it’s torn?  At the beginning of December, when this saga began, I had soreness, like a sprain.  It wasn’t in any one place, it just hurt.  Then, I began getting specific pain on the ulnar side of my wrist, that would hurt whenever I would twist my wrist or hold something heavy.  When it was getting worse and wasn’t going away, that’s when I went to Doc #1, and the clicking began.

I felt unstable in January when I got my cast on.  While in the cast, my wrist felt swollen, and still feels full, not of blood, but it’s a little puffy.  Now, I have a sometimes sharp pain in the center of my wrist, on the bottom, like beneath the carpal tunnel.  And sometimes this ache spreads to the bottom half of my palm.

The only time my wrist feels “normal” is when I’m in the splint.

It’s just been so odd to have this malady get worse.  Could it be the TFCC tear caused the ulna to deviate, which is stretching the ligaments even more to tear further?  Or perhaps in a new place?  I don’t know.  Obviously, I’m not a doctor.  But this not knowing is killing my inner child!

Let’s hope Doc #2’s office calls me to offer me an appointment sooner than two weeks.  In the grand scheme of things, two weeks is not a long time.  But when it’s tacked on to an already long 3 months of WTFery (I’m counting December as the first month), it’s just that much longer I gotta wait.  Because if I do need a procedure, I’ll probably need to be scheduled a few weeks from Doc #2’s appt.–even more waiting.  I’d like to speed the process up a bit.  Heh.  Is that even possible?

~~Becka

Yay, here I am for the first time in a long time, typing two-handed.  Got my cast off today, and was fortunate enough to have my first physical therapy today as well.  After taking a history from me, the therapist decided on a mild therapy, putting my arm in a machine with some sand blowing around in a dry heat, which felt omg SO GOOD!!!  After a few minutes, I could move my wrist a bit more, even though it’s still very stiff and sore.

And my elbow.  Wow.  It’s so happy to be un-bent, however, the pain is intense.  Not so much in the elbow itself, but in the muscles that pull taut when straightening things out.

Anyway, after the sand/heat machine, the therapist put this bandage on me that has a battery that time-releases a short bit of medicine into the skin for about two hours.  It’s like a mild shot of cortizone.  So I’ve got to do this therapy twice a week for four weeks.

The doc said, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better” due to moving the wrist after weeks of immobilization.  He said even if it hurts, he doesn’t want to see me again until the four weeks of therapy are up.  If this hasn’t worked, (ie., my pain hasn’t lessened) then he will send me to the guy who mentored him a few years ago, who practices at OHSU.

He also prescribed for me prescription strength Naproxen (sp?) to be taken twice a day.

However, I heard news of another hand surgeon who works out of St. Vincent’s, an apparently “brilliant” man and a nice guy to boot.  He’s got so many patients that he’s taking appointments six weeks (or more) into the future, but the good news is, I will be done with my physical therapy by then and I can be able to get a second opinion.  Even the therapist was a little shocked that I hadn’t gotten an MRI to see how big/where the tear was.

I wasn’t able to call the hand surgeon today as it was too late in the day when I got back from the therapist, but I will call him tomorrow to make an appointment.  If anything, he’s closer to me than OHSU.

So the doc did give me a brace to wear, which feels pretty good.  Still owwy, but that’s to be expected.  At this point, they want to see if my ouchy-ness is still due to my TFCC tear or due to the fact I’ve been immobile for 4 weeks.  Probably a mixture of both, I’m thinking.  If the therapy works for me, then I’ll just cancel the appointment with this other doctor.  At the moment, everything is still up in the air.

But the most amazing news ever is the fact I’m no longer in the cast, I no longer have to take trash bag showers, and my elbow is no longer bent.  Even so, I still hold it at an angle because it hurts to fully extend it. 

So, it appears to be another waiting game.  But the fact the therapy feels so good coupled with the doctor I can get a second opinion with and the fact I’m no longer wearing my cast, today has been a good day.  And DH took the day off (or rather worked from home) so I didn’t have to tote around my legion of kidlets.  He loves me.  <3

~~Becka

Trying so hard not to whine about this dang cast.  For the most part, I’ve achieved that goal, letting the occasional whine out on Twitter or Facebook.  (My website is where I “update” you about my condition, not whine.  Never whine. LOL)

But let’s face it, folks.  I’m so done with this damn thing.  Sleeping has become a chore; I’m not sure if it’s due to being uncomfortable, or being irritated that only a few positions are “comfortable”, although “comfort” and “cast” are oxymorons.  I have “good” days and “bad” days (and days I “overuse” the “quotes”), but mostly bad days.  I’ve had to up my pills (Ibuprofen and Tylenol), and I take them more often these days.

I can feel a tightness in my wrist when I flex my fingers.  Almost like things are swollen.  Feels like there’s something IN there.  Sometimes, I can still feel the instability when just pressing my fingers together, like when you snap or do the okay sign.  Things aren’t right in there.  But this stupid treatment must finish before we can move on, and therefore I have five more days in this prison sentence.  That’s what it feels like to me at times.  (Okay, so I do whine on my website.)

But you see, this conservative treatment “needs” to be done first.  Even though every other story I read online is about the surgery.  Why aren’t there any other stories of casting before surgery out there if this is the normal treatment?  I don’t know.  I’m getting jaded.  I’m getting pissy.

Makes me wonder, though, if there’s more red tape after I get my cast off?  Do I have to go through X amount of physical therapy before they’ll decide something more needs to be done?  Depending on what my doc says on the 9th, I might look for a dang hand surgeon myself and get a second opinion.

Things.  Aren’t.  Right.  It’s not getting better.  And I’m pissed because this is wasting time!  But if I call my doc, they’ll just tell me to come in on Tuesday.  At this point, I might as well go the distance.  I’m a wuss when it comes to confrontation, but if my doc tells me X amount of weeks need to pass with PT before anything more can be done, I’ll ask him about that hand surgeon he knows.

Not that I’m against PT, or that I’m jonesin’ for the surgery, but lets be honest and call a spade a spade.  I know when my body’s got issues.  And right about now, I’m hoping my wrist IS swollen when they take off this cast if only to prove I’m not a whiny little bitch.  Doc.

LOL

Okay, so maybe I am, but I got REASONS!!

~~Becka

This one comes from Harlequin Historicals for my full Western novel, RENEGADE.  I was expecting this rejection actually.  I not only found a similar book plot already published with them, but I knew it wasn’t long enough.  Used to be a book’s word count would be calculated at 250 words per page, even if there were only a few words on the page.  Now, however, its simply actual computer count, just like at ePublishers.  I couldn’t readily find this information on HQ’s website, so I’d assumed it was still at 250 words per page.  I didn’t figure out I was wrong until after I’d submitted the book.

Anyway, I have to say I’m excited to have this book back in my clutches.  I’m going to read through it and see if it needs more.  I love this book.  It flowed out of me when I was writing it, but I do believe there are parts that can be beefed up to further develop the characters, their relationship, and the plot.

I’m thinking maybe Samhain or Carina for this one.  But because both of those publishers already have a submission of mine pending, I might wait to see what they say before submitting another book to them.

Don’t want to bog them down with a bunch of submissions.

Figure Champagne has a LOT of my books already, with more to come this year, and Cobblestone only does erotic romance these days.  If I write for Cobblestone, it’s got to specifically be hotter, written just with them in mind.  Samhain hasn’t released one of my books in a long time and Carina is new territory I’d like to explore.

So, we shall see. 

~~Becka

As you may or may not know, I was surprised with a Kindle for Christmas.  It had been on my wish list forever, but I never thought I’d actually get one.  I was giddy when I held it in my hand.  It’s a little odd being an eBook author and NOT having an eReader.  I hate reading on the computer!

All that aside, I probably never would have bought one for myself.  The price is steep at $250.  If you can afford one, however, I highly recommend getting one.  I have no experience with other readers like the Sony or the Nook, so this won’t be a review that compares these devices.

To start, the case for the Kindle is about $30 for a good one.  It’s actually very resilient and sturdy enough to withstand abuse.  I’ve dropped my Kindle and the case protected it perfectly.  Also, I bend the front cover behind the device as I read.  So far, I’ve had no issues.  This particular case is very well-made.

The Kindle boasts long battery life, and boy does it have it.  The only time it uses power is when you change pages.  Once the page is displayed, it doesn’t take any more power to display the text.  I’ve literally left it on my shelf for days untouched only to turn it on and be pleasantly surprised it still had plenty of charge.  And everything Amazon has boasted about their e-ink is true.  This device is not backlit.  If you’re going to read in bed, you’ll need the light on to see the display.

You can change pages with either hand, and you can flip to the previous page if you like.  It’s so thin and light, that it’s a dream to hold.  In fact, if you curl up somewhere, you don’t have to move to turn pages or adjust the book to prop it open.  I love this, personally, because it’s hard for me to hold a normal paperback these days.

The display has 16 shades of gray.  But even though it’s not in color, book covers still look really good.

Amazon’s Whispernet is just awesome.  You can shop Kindle’s bookstore either on the device, or directly from your computer.  If you buy books on your computer, they’re downloaded to your Kindle automatically.  Go pick up your eReader and the book you just bought is already there.  And this is done with no subscription, no monthly fee, no tethering to a computer, it’s merely a service of Amazon.  It also works anywhere, using cell phone relays to download books rather than sometimes-sketchy wi-fi.

Almost more than the device, I love Amazon’s Whispernet. 

The Kindle makes me want to buy all the paperbacks in my to-be-read pile in eBook instead.  I’ve seriously had the thought that I’d rather read on my Kindle than pick up a paperback these days.  I have mad love for this device.

In fact, one of the only dings I have is the fact it’s not a touch screen.  I’ve been spoiled by my iPhone.  You mean I gotta use buttons?!?  LOL  I’ve heard one of the eReaders out there is a touch screen, but a friend of mine mentioned it’s not as fluid as the iPhone.  I think that would probably drive me batty too.

While it’s expensive and not a touch screen, I would recommend it to anyone thinking of getting one.  It’s got the capacity to hold 1500 books.  WOW.  Can’t pack that many in a suitcase!

All in all, I give the Kindle 4 1/2 stars, dinging it for price and no touch screen.  Good job, Amazon.  You’ve become a pioneer in making eBooks cool, and that makes this eBook author rejoice.  Suddenly, with eReaders like this, it makes us justified in what we do.  EBooks are no longer a chore to read on the computer, and are only gaining in popularity.  Win/win for everyone!!

~~Becka

Since I don’t have any book/writing updates, I’m blogging again on my wrist.  Today marks the halfway point of my conservative treatment.  Two weeks down, two more to go.  Aside from accidentally popping my DH in the face in the middle of the night (which I have no knowledge of lol), I’ve been adapting fairly well.  It was hard at first to get used to doing everything one-handed, but it’s a little easier now.  I’m sure by the time I’m ready to get my cast off, I’ll be a natural at one-handedness.

Bad news is, my wrist doesn’t feel any better, even in the much more comfortable cast.  Sometimes, it will be good to me all day, only to randomly start hurting in the evening, despite the fact I haven’t done anything to facilitate the pain.  Other days are just bad days where it seems I’m popping pills all day.

I’m a little concerned, because the Ibuprofen says not to take longer than 10 days, unless instructed by a doctor.  I guess this counts as “being instructed by the doctor”, but it still worries me.  I doubt my pain will magically go away when this cast comes off and in fact, there’s no doubt in my mind I’ll need to wear a splint, since the doc mentioned physical therapy.  I highly doubt he’ll take off my cast and send me on my way.

But who knows, their office didn’t even give me a sling for this cast-beast, after all.

I’m skeptical this treatment is going to work for me.  If it would, you’d think I’d be feeling better.  I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact I haven’t been able to bend my wrist and its aching because of that.  I mean, I’m not a doctor.  But I don’t think so.  Had a handful of meds for breakfast this morning and I’m feeling somewhat better.

I don’t care if I have to wear a splint after this cast, I just want the cast off!  The bent elbow and trash bag showers have lost their mystique.  LOL  Only light at the end of this tunnel is knowing I now only have two weeks left rather than four.

~~Becka

Over the past few days, I’ve noticed my cast was really loose.  It caused me a LOT of pain because I could move my hand in there.  My hubby told me to call the doc, because I might need a new cast and its better than going the four weeks and doing it wrong.

So I call and the receptionist tells me if the cast is loose, I need to come in.  So I go, and the nurse wants to ask the doc’s opinion.  She leaves me for a bit, then comes back to take the cast off, because I’m going to get a new one anyway.  She wanted to ask the doc about splinting instead, so I could have it be tighter.

I’m in the middle of washing my arm – feels so good! – when he comes in.  He seems annoyed my cast was off.  Then he goes into explaining how they don’t have a full arm splint and why I needed the cast with my arm bent, to prevent looking at my palm, and to prevent the side-to side motion of the wrist.  I told him I understood that, but that there was a lot of play in my cast, which hurt when unscrewing the lid to the milk jug, etc.

I was shocked at his look of shock.

Doc: “You’re not supposed to do that!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t pick up the jug, I was just taking off the lid.”

Doc: “Doesn’t matter, ANY action of the wrist, even small ones, won’t allow it to heal, and I can’t send you to the hand surgeon until we’ve proved this treatment didn’t work.”

(Basically, even if he thinks this won’t work, he’s gotta do it first.)

Me: “I have no problem wearing the cast, it’s just that it was so loose that it allowed for the side-to-side motion.”

Doc: (somewhat mollified) “Okay, then I’ll see you back in a few weeks.”

But now I’m kind of mad because no one told me I couldn’t do ANYTHING with this wrist.  The lady who put on my first cast even told me she’d give my fingers some room to grab things…  True, she’s not the doctor, but it would have been nice if someone (re: the doc) outlined what was expected in the first place.  All he told me was it would be hard, I’d need people to help out, and I’d have lots of physical therapy after.

SIGH

So, doc leaves, and the nurse puts on cast #2, and all the while I’m thinking the doc just chewed me out (dramatics added for effect) for doing the right thing by coming in and changing my cast.  Even the nurse said sometimes the arm shrinks in there, swelling goes down, etc., causing the cast to get loose.  I just feel like the doc thinks I’m whiny.  The splint wasn’t even my idea and he marches in there as if to tell me I will wear this cast, by gawd… (again, dramatics added).  And I was a little miffed that he couldn’t see the evidence of my loose cast for himself because the lady had already taken it off.  It was like he thought I was being whiny and there probably hadn’t been anything wrong with it.

I understand his decree of total rest, I do.  But if I’d been TOLD THAT in the first place, I might not have had so many issues.

Still would have needed a new cast, though.

I decided to go purple with the new one.  But I’ve still got glitter!  It’s much skinnier than my first one and it feels SO MUCH BETTER!  Oh my gosh, night and day difference.  Can’t move anything around in there.

Doc’s probably off some place shaking his head that his patients are dumbasses.  LOL  Or maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  He *was* wearing a full suit, whereas the other times I’ve seen him, he was business casual.  Maybe he was stressed about something.  Maybe I just blew it all out of proportion.  But I’ve got news for ya, doc.  NO ONE wants this wrist healed more than I do.

And that’s a fact.

I did notice that while my elbow was somewhat tender, I could bend it all right once I was out of the first cast.  But my wrist – forget about it.  It hurt to just hold it while the nurse prepared the new casting material.  My ulnar side was much more swollen that it had ever been.  This does NOT bode well for getting the cast off in 3 weeks…

My daughter said, “Wow, Mommy, your arm looks much skinnier in that cast!”  I said, “I wish the rest of me looked skinnier.”  One of the nurses going to lunch in the parking lot snickered as she overheard me.  LOL

Anyways, here’s to doing/holding/carrying/twisting/lifting absolutely nothing until February 9th.  For all intents and purposes, I’m one-handed.  And yes, I’m typing one-handed right now.  Yes, it IS a giant PITA.

Pic of purple cast:

~~Becka

Since there’s not a lot of posts/blogs/forums/stories online about casting treatment for a TFCC tear (read: there aren’t any), I decided to document my experiences here.  Besides, I’m sure some of my readers are curious as well.  All the posts will be categorized with the tag “TFCC Tear Treatment” if you want to find the entire saga easily.

You see, all the info online that I can find, even the stories of others with this malady, have had the surgery or scheduled one.  I haven’t found anyone in a cast for non-surgical treatment, but as I understand, that’s the default treatment.  If the TFCC cannot heal itself, then you get the surgery.  But I haven’t found anyone who’s healed with casting alone.

So we’ll see if this works.  If anyone reading has found my site and healed with casting and physical therapy let me know!  I’d love to hear your story.

Okay, so not quite one week in my full-arm cast and I can safely say this is a pain.  Showering is an adventure with trash bags and duct tape, and yes, I have fashioned for myself a wire hanger itch-scratcher.  I’ve bent the wire in half so it looks like an elbow, I’m not ripping up the padding in my cast, don’t worry about that.

My doc’s office didn’t give me a sling so after a few days of intense pain at holding it up, (I was crying, making my kids cry in the process) I went out and bought one myself–The Ultimate Arm Sling, if you must know.  Aside from that, the Aleve wasn’t doing anything for me.  since it seems as if my doc’s office is determined to torture it’s patients, they said to try Ibuprofen with some scattered Tylenol and some Vit-C, as Vit-C has been shown to help speed healing (I guess).

The sling has helped A LOT, but the cast is so heavy, it hurts my neck to wear it all the time.  When I’m sitting I prop it on a pillow and when I’m doing chores, I’ll wear it.

The Ibuprofen and Tylenol seem to have helped better with pain management than the Aleve.  Of course the sling is also a big help.  When you’re holding up the cast with just your arm muscles, it would seem you are also engaging the ligaments in your wrist, as mine was on fire after just a couple of errands.  So be wary of that if you have this injury with a big heavy cast.  The point of the huge full-arm cast with the bent elbow is to prevent supination of the wrist, or twisting your arm to look at your palm.  But it’s so hot and uncomfortable!

I get this cast off on February 9th, and after that is PT, so we’ll see what happens afterward.  I’m wondering if the casting is nothing more than a “smoke screen” for health insurances to cover the surgery, to prove they did “conservative” treatment first.  I seriously have not found any stories of anyone in a cast for a TFCC tear.  Everyone with a story online talks about surgery.

Here’s hoping this works for me.  I have no idea how big my tear is, but I’ve got to wonder if it got bigger over time, as my pain before I went to the doc was getting worse, not better…  My fingers and strength in my left hand are so weak now.  I don’t know if that’s because the cast is preventing the wrist to compensate for their weakness or what, but just taking the lid off the gallon of milk is a chore.  I can’t hold on to anything to chop for dinner, either.  Not just because its awkward, but because there’s no strength.  And when I try to hold something harder, I feel my wrist pop and slide, like the bones aren’t stable.

That’s a bit scary for me.  I have just over three weeks in this thing and I’m only feeling a little worse than when I got it on–with the strength in my hand, and the bone popping.  (Gross, I know)

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll need a brace after the cast but probably, considering I’ll need the PT.

People online talk about how you don’t really heal 100% from this injury, about how your wrist will always be weak.  Mine’s been weak since I was 13, now it’s gonna be even moreso?  I’m 35 now and already falling apart.  Lovely.

Until the next update.

~~Becka

First, the good news, Champagne Books recently bought BLACK ANGEL, one of my fantasy manuscripts!  It will be released in October of ‘10.  Here’s my page for more info on it:  http://www.rebeccagoings.com/fantasy/black-angel/ I’m very excited about this one because it’s very different than anything I’ve done before.  Can’t wait!

Now for the bad, HQ Historicals Undone R’d THE FALL OF JERICHO.  They gave me a constructive letter, however, and I beefed the story a bit and sent it off once more.  I decided to give Carina Press another go with this one since they have a “quiet” open call for historical manuscripts over there.  I say “quiet” because the info isn’t on their website, they sent it out to various blogs to go “viral” I suppose.  So we’ll see what happens over there.

They have said they now have a lot of readers, so it shouldn’t take too long to hear from them.  If they R this one, I’ll send it to Samhain Publishing.  If THEY R it, then it’ll go to Cobblestone Press.

So, Plan A didn’t work out, I’m on Plan B, and I have C & D in line as well.  Gotta be prepared. 

Anyhow, that’s my news for now.  Hoping to hear good news!  Too many rejections lately.

~~Becka

After weeks of pain, my Doc is confident my pain is due to a tear in my TFCC, better known as the Triangular Fibrocartilage Complex.  It’s a collection of ligaments and cartilage on the outside of your wrist that allows for mobility of the joint and helps hold everything together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM_O2cnlgh8

I had a bit of swelling along with bouts of going numb in my pinkie and ring finger that would sometimes go up my arm like someone smacked my funny bone.  So just to be safe, the Doc sent my to a neurologist to see if I had Ulnar nerve entrapment.  But my test was normal.

So my ortho did one more test with me after I told him exactly where the pain was.  He grabbed my ulna and radius and moved them back and forth, opposite of each other.  OMG what a weird combination of strange, creepy and tickly.  I could feel the weakness in there.  He did it to my right wrist and everything felt fine.  That cinched the diagnosis for him.

He told me I had two options.  One is to get a full arm cast for four weeks followed by physical therapy afterward.  The other was to go to the hand surgeon, get a painful dye injected into my wrist to see where the tear was on an MRI–then get casted for four weeks followed by physical therapy.  LOL  Well, since I didn’t want to go any longer without what seemed to be the only form of treatment, I decided to get a cast.  Talk about a shock!  I totally wasn’t expecting that.

So as you can see, I decided to have fun with it.  I got the pink, and the lady was nice enough to give me spray-on glitter!  Figured the only way to stay positive with a full arm cast where my arm is bent for 4 weeks on top of a small baby, 4 other kids and a house to take care of (not to mention my writing) was to have a little levity with the situation.

Now we’ve got to get used to the adjustment.  When I broke my wrist as a kid, I had a full cast for 4 weeks then too.  I remember getting it off and not being able to fully extend my arm for maybe a week after that.  It was painful.  I also remember the pain of bending my wrist for the first time.  Doc said, “Yeah, you’re not 13 any more.”  Hence the PT I’ll need.  **shudder**  But it’s not just because of the cast, the PT is also to help the TFCC strengthen and regain mobility.  Not looking forward to that.

I’m hoping this mode of treatment works.  The only other treatment is surgery to suture the tear.  Now, it’s an out patient procedure, but it still hurts like hell and can take weeks/months to recover from.  DO NOT WANT!

So, that’s the news from this end.  No writing for me for awhile.

How did I injure myself, you ask?  Well, I don’t really know.  It’s been hurting since early December.  The only thing I can think of is when I pushed myself off my couch three or four different times and felt something in my wrist like someone plucking on a guitar string.  It didn’t hurt at the time, just felt odd.  Shortly thereafter my pain began.  That may or may not be how it happened, but it probably was.

However, good news!  Champagne Books just bought BLACK ANGEL!  That’s my fantasy novella about the hero with obsidian black skin and wings!  I love that story and will be proud to see it with Champagne!  Woohoo! 

~~Becka